Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
