Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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