My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You are the jesus of drinking
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
