After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
