Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just found a bag of teeth...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
