i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
