next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
