Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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