she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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