I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
