I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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