he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
