I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
