47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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