Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You made out with two different species that night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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