i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
