I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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