i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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