we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
