i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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