I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
