Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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