i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
