She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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