dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
