Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
