who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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