I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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