Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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