When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
