In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
