i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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