I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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