yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
