Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
