Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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