Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
