I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
