it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
A+ Viking dick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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