He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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