Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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