I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
