It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
