I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
