Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
