If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
