So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
