I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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