i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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