No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
