oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
