I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
