12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
