You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
